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> As seen in a dog's diary:

>
> 8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

>
> 9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite

>
> 10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

>
> 11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

>
> Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

>
> 1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

>
> 3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

>
> 4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

>
> 5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

>
> 7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

>
> 9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed!! My favorite!

>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>
> As seen in a cat's diary:

>
> Day 183 of my captivity...

>
> My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

>
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

>
> Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.

>
> In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on their bed.

>
> Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

>
> There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

>
> I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

>
> But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

>

Jennifer,
hello...this was kind of funny....I sent this to one of my friends cause they have three cats an they hurl regularly they always want to give me a cat when I go there but I realy don't have room....(I say)....it is funny tho.later

Jennifer,

This was so funny! Reminds me of an add I saw in a pet magazine. It said
Dog - You feed me! You must be a God!!!
Cat - You feed me! I must be a God!

I have several cats(all rescues), a dog and a bird. I love them all!!!

Jennifer,
Dog Quotes

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” Ann Landers

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.” Unknown

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” Gene Hill

“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.” Dave Barry

“Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend; inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” Groucho Marx

“Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!” Dr. Tom Cat

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” Ben Williams

“Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.” Unknown

“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be your, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.” Mark Twain

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” Mark Twain

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How Many Dogs Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb?

Siberian Husky –
The sun is shining, the day is young. We’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out lightbulb?

Border Collie –
Just one! And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

GERMAN SHEPHERD –
I’ll guard the lightbulb while you decide. Back off!

Dachshund –
I can’t reach the stupid light bulb!

Toy Poodle –
I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll dot it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler –
Go ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu –
Puh-leeeeze, dah-ling. Leave it for the servants.

Lab –
Oh, me, ME!!! Pleeeeeze let ME change the bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? CAN I PLEEEEEZE!

Golden Retriever –
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

Jack Russell Terrier –
I can reach it! I just KNOW I can reach it! Another twenty jumps, and it’s mine, mine, mine, ALL MINE!!

Cocker Spaniel –
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff –
Why? We are NOT afraid of the dark!

Hound Dog –
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua –
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Greyhound –
It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Kelpie –
Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Pointer –
I see it, there it is, rrrriiiiight there.


This joke is contributed by:
Danielle’s Place