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All the damn squirrels in my new neighborhood have no tails. They all look like anorexic rabbits. And it's not like I moved cross country and I'm readjusting to a new climate, I moved five miles away. And now, somehow, the wildlife is different here. I have two theories on this. Either there is a small group of non-committal Satan worshipers who don't want to kill the small animals, they just want the animals to remember the day they could have been sacrifice to Beelzebub. OR... It's a massive squirrel gang initiation, where the biggest squirrel make all the other smaller squirrels sit on the side of a busy street with their tails out and the first squirrel to retract it's butt gets pushed in to the street as a sacrifice to beelzeb... Oops, wrong theory. In summary, we got ripped off on moving to this neighborhood because they filled it with second rate squirrels.

dumbass,

Plus I could swear that the squirrels are all out to kill me. This time of year they get reaaaal brave when trying to cross the street, and me, being a total spaz when it comes to running small mammals over, am always swerving to not hit the little furry fuckers. About two weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, I actually ended up spinning in a full circle in the middle of a DC street to avoid one of these little shits. And I swear to god it's been happening almost daily now. I've gotten to the point now that I may just start aiming for them just to speed up natural selection. The ones that can't tell asphalt from grass, won't have liters of more texture blind psuedo-rodents. But I've kept my cool up till this point, and unless I've given one of them a heart attack, I still haven't hurt one yet.