Doggie humor!

Tell us why you love dogs. If you hate dogs, get the fuck out.

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Jennifer
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Jennifer » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:03 am

Thanks for bringing it back to the doggies-these asshole obsessed youngin's with stories of their butts-really don't do much for us! Maybe you/they should start their own forum and call it "Assholes"!

:X
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by JTF » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:48 pm

Jennifer,

Sorry, I didn't think that by responding with a sarcastic response that it would take it off topic...

Maybe this can help get it back. (Got it in an email)

"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy."

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.
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Jennifer
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Jennifer » Tue Mar 30, 2004 7:17 am

JTF,
Yeah! That's some funny shit-and thanks!LOL :lol:
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Inkblot » Tue Mar 30, 2004 2:12 pm

Jennifer,

No, please don't start it's own forum as that would just fan the flames of desire. If you think about it, doggies seem much more obsessed with this part of their bodies and what it produces than us humans do... Though they don't really have any way of saying so they sure do show it!

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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by JTF » Mon Apr 19, 2004 7:19 pm

astonamous,

Dats wrong! I'm-a-go brush now. Twice!
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by RINKYMOMMA » Wed May 05, 2004 5:05 pm

Richard_Pryor,

OK here goes nothing Richard "If Dogs wrote letters to God"

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields,and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
The sofa is not a face towel , neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. !
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dear God, May I have my testicles back? :lol:
http://www.freewebs.com/needfunds4surgery/
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by MamaJanis » Fri May 07, 2004 1:11 am

RINKYMOMMA,


ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!

Oh Jesus that's fucking hilarious! Thank you so much, after the night I've had, I needed that laugh! :lol: :-x

And to bring it back to the dog topic - looks like we're going to get another pup - finally! Hopefully the cat's won't be too confused. Should have seen their reaction the first time they saw a baby. Just a perplexed look as if to say, "Well, it smells human, but I didn't know they came in that size."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are ghosts in my sinuses.
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by RINKYMOMMA » Fri May 07, 2004 6:04 am

MamaJanis,
First time my hubbys 3 cats seen my dog, they cornered him & the poor guy whinned until we stepped in & spooked the cats.
Second time when I got Momma, they all ran under the couch lol
heres the link for my post with pictures of my 5 brats lol,
[url]http://www.richardpryor.com/forums/msgs.cfm?msg=5017&forum=4[/url] - http://www.richardpryor.com/forums/msgs.cfm?msg=5017&forum=4'
http://www.freewebs.com/needfunds4surgery/
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by JTF » Fri May 07, 2004 7:08 am

MamaJanis,

Babies seem to look at my bald head in the same light. It's like "He looks like a baby, but damn he's a big one. I'll just stare at him for a while..."
JTF
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by JTF » Fri Jun 11, 2004 6:07 am

How To Wash The Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The DOG
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