Doggie humor!

Tell us why you love dogs. If you hate dogs, get the fuck out.

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Richard_Pryor
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Doggie humor!

Post by Richard_Pryor » Wed Mar 10, 2004 11:32 am

This gave me a laugh....

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeease, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any, and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the sitaution.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border COllie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Pointer: I see it. There it is, there it is, right there....

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle....

Chihauhau -- You quiero Taco Bulb.

The cat's answer: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?

Keep laughin'!
Inkblot
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Inkblot » Thu Mar 11, 2004 8:00 pm

Hi Richard,

They may not change light bulbs but one of our family dogs, when I was a young boy and I would draw a lot, was napping on the kitchen floor and I broke the lead on the pencil and said to my mom "The lead broke on my pencil!" and the dog immediately got up, went into the darkened living room and fetched another pencil and brought it back and dropped it right into my hands. I don't know where he got it but he really did do it.

When I was a baby we also had a black lab named Sissy on our haunted farm house, it was extremely creepy out there at times, and we had to move and couldn't keep her so we gave her to another farmer about 40 miles from our farm and two days later she found her way back over 40 miles to our farm!

One dog of ours, Flash, a basset hound, was the town mascot and would sun himself in the middle of main street and everyone would just drive around him and not bother him. He'd also "referee" the high school football games and they'd have to call my mom over to remove him from the middle of the fifty yard line.

Another dog of ours, during my teenage years, would sit with me and shell sunflower seeds, Dakota Kid brand, on her own and spit out the shells along with me.

Dogs are very smart and loyal and they add so much joy to your life and improve a person's health and happiness, except for those times that they chew the leather sofa to pieces or shit on your bed as the sunflower-seed-shelling doggie of ours used to do to me. I swear she would hold a shit in all day until I got home from school, when I actually went that is, and once I was home and the door was open she'd hop on my bed and take a huge shit and then go tearing-off while I chased her around, one time with half-a-shit swinging out of her buns when I caught her mid-poo. My mom told me that they were "love-logs" and that she was just showing me that she loved me. After a while I'd just flick the turds behind the bed and let nature take it's course with them. Friends would stay over and I'd reach under the bed and toss one at them once-in-a-while and they'd pick it up and ask me what it was and I'd tell them "It's a love-log and it just means that I care about you!"

Inkblot
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Richard_Pryor
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Richard_Pryor » Fri Mar 12, 2004 8:44 am

Inkblot,
My two dogs, Homer and Spirit are my companion animals and give me so much love. They talk shit to me all the time and once Homer, put my wrist in his mouth-gently, and tried to pull me out of my chair-I had to explain to him-"dude-I can't do this thing you want me to do-i know you want me to take you for a walk and it's the thing in this world I want to do so much but these legs aren't working man." He looked at me and got sad cause he understood. He sat down in front of me-put his head in his long arm/legs and just stared-I thought I saw tears in his eyes.
Love your stories man-keep loving your dogs everyone who is lucky enough to have one or seven like we do!
Love Richard ):)
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Jennifer
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Jennifer » Fri Mar 12, 2004 5:54 pm

astonamous,
WE ARE LAUGHING TRUDESVILLE!!! GRACIAS AND THANKS A BUNCH OF MOVING FLOWERS BACK AT YOU!!!LOVE JENNY AND RICHARD
:lol:
SweetLuchia
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by SweetLuchia » Fri Mar 12, 2004 7:50 pm

astonamous,

LOL :lol: that's funny!
Luchia,

~As long as there's laughter, there's HOPE~
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Gareth
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Gareth » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:24 am

astonamous,

HAHAHAHA. effin nice!


gareth
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Gareth » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:47 am

everyone,

A Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie says, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She says, "That's not creative."

Finally, with his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone......cheese mine."


gareth

p.s.
chu wanna come up weeth a betta one, mang?
Hicks4000
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Hicks4000 » Sat Mar 13, 2004 9:47 am

Gareth,

That joke gave me a huge laugh this morning! This whole Dog area brings smiles and feel-goods. I don't know what I'd do without my puppy. She is a year old. She was a gift last Christmas when she was a month old. She was black and since she came at Christmas I called her Angel.

She pretty funny too -- makes me laugh all the time.

And love all the animal lovers on this site! Very cool forum.
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Inkblot » Sat Mar 13, 2004 10:20 am

Hey Richard,

Yeah, your dogs would risk themselves to drag you out of a burning building. They really are kindred spirits. So in the way that only Richard could really do it justice...

"Rich! Rich! The shit's burning down man! Get up! Get the fuck up!!!"

"Spirit, get your ass on over here..."

"What's up Homer?"

"What the fuck you mean what's up! You colorblind or some shit bitch? The place is up in flames and I can't wake Rich."

"Just grab onto him and we'll drag his ass on out the door Homer."

"You know Spirit, that shit just might work."

"Homer, you grab on here and I'll grab on..."

"Spirit!" "What Homer?" "Rich ain't gonna like being dragged out the house by his nuts, even if the shit does save his ass..."

By the way, great doggie jokes in this thread everybody. The only one I can add is:

Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he learned it from watching me...

Inkblot
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Richard_Pryor
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Re: Doggie humor!

Post by Richard_Pryor » Sat Mar 13, 2004 10:53 am

Inkblot,and Gareth-
Thank you for making me laugh again today and Gareth-love the doggie dialogue! The real trick is gettin out of a burning person! Whoa! Richard
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